Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
