there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
