I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
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Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
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I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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