I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
