The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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