i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He told me they were just razor bumps!
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I still have a little drunk in my system
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
