1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I am mentally ready for anal.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
