is your mom at the bar?
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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