D3 body, D1 cock
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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