Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
