we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
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I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
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Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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