I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
