before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
