Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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