I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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