omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
