I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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