Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
