I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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