dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
