She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize