i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
