My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Who died my cat blue again?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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