Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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