What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
