Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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