bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
