Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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