We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
