hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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