I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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