He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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