i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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