Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
