My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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