if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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