Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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