I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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