At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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