6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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