Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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