Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
