i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize