P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
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Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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