Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
