no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
