If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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