end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
