If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
