Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize