Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
