He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
