you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
