He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
