Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
