Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
