..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
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And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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