I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
