im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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