Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
