just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i love accidental penises.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Randomize
