Who did Billy Mays play for?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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