addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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